People don’t believe us when we tell them the Egyptian God Horus created vegan ham over 4000 years ago. “Vegan ham?”, they say, “it can’t be done!”. Of course it can, and Horus is the one who did it.
Some of you may roll your eyes at the idea of vegan ham—and for that, Horus will deal with you later. For the rest of you, Horus has a restaurant that has sold vegan ham for roughly four millennia. It’s called Horus’ House of Vegan Ham. You probably haven’t seen it. It’s one of those places that if you go looking for it you won’t find, but when wandering aimlessly you’ll discover without effort. This explains its absence from popular travel guidebooks, such as Rick Steves’.
We also don’t know where Horus’ restaurant is, exactly, but he hired us anyway. Our job was to recreate one of his early promotional t-shirt designs. We worked on it like 10 to 30,000 slaves until we got it just right. Here is our authentic original reproduction, the Horus’ House of Vegan Ham shirt.
Tell Me About This Shirt
On the front is Horus in full-on man-falcon-god mode. In his left hand is his hamulet scepter, in his right a delicious vegan ham. Horus welcomes you to be a vegyptian along with him. Horus’ vegan ham is as popular as he is. It’s a perennial winner of the Cairo Courier’s “Best in the Delta” award for every year that has an archaeological record. Lastly, it has his famous ad catchphrase: soooooo good you’ll say ra-Ra-RA!
Ra-Ra-Ra! It’s true about his ham, and it’s true about the shirt. A favorite of ancient Egyptian nobility. King Tut wasn’t the only royalty to wear one! He’s just the only one at this time for which archaeological research shows a record of the t-shirt being in his possession as part of his funerary collection.
The Horus’ House of Vegan Ham shirt is available in our store today as both a t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie. Get one for you, one for the one you love (which can also be yourself, again), and one as an offering for your local Horus shrine.
Horus will really appreciate it.